The house was in a quiet village and it was one of those substantial properties that had as much garden in front as it had behind. It was late and the owners were in bed when there was a loud knocking on the door. The disturbance woke the man who rolled over and looked at his clock. It was half past three in the morning. Very unhappy, he thought “I'm not getting out of bed at this time of night,” and pulled the duvet back over him.
A few minutes later there came a louder knock which caused his wife to complain, “Aren't you going to answer that?” So the man reluctantly dragged himself out of bed and went downstairs. He opened the door and there was a dishevelled looking man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was not totally sober. “Hi there,” slurred the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”
Not best pleased, and feeling morally justified in not helping an inebriated driver to get back behind the wheel, he replied “No, get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed!” With that he slammed the door and went back up to bed. His wife as naturally curious as to what the commotion was all about and when he related what had happened his wife was upset. “Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?”
“But the guy was drunk,” argued the husband. “It doesn't matter,” the wife replied. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him.” So the husband got back out of bed, got dressed and went downstairs. He opened the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouted, “Hey, do you still want a push?”
Out of the gloom a voice cried out, “Yeah, please!” So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouted: “Where are you?” Once again, from the gloom of the night the stranger replied: “I'm over here, on your swing.”

Nelson Mandela has become a household name. But sometimes, with fame comes unwanted bother. Apparently this reached unacceptable proportions during the course of one week. It all began when he was sitting at home watching TV and quietly imbibing a cool libation. There was a knock at the door and upon opening it he was confronted by a Japanese man, small of stature and clutching a clip board. Seeing Nelson the man excitedly cried out “You sign! You sign!” Parked in the road behind him was an enormous lorry full of car exhausts pipes. Nelson stood looking in complete amazement and bewilderment when the Japanese man started to yell even louder, “You sign! You sign!”